he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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