; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
