Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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