She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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