It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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