i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize