what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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