Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
