I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
