How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need a beard to bite.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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