last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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