I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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