she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
