Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My hand turned me down
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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