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I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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