her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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