she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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