Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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