Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
