i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
