did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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