I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
