dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
