it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
