the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
