I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish I only lived at night.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
