Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
