What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
