it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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