does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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