Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
