One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
