Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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