No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
