So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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