update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
