Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
