Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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