Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We got so high we made milksteak
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
