I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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