Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
