Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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