What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
