Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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