apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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