her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Houston, we have a squirter
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
