also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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