he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize