they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
