I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
