oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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