I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
