I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
