i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
3 2 1 whiskey
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
