Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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