My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
