So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
