So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
wow bdsm is so cute
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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