He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
