Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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