I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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