Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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