i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
