I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
