So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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