ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
A bitchslap is in order.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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