idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize