fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
