New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We are all done wearing pants today
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
