all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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