I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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