I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
