We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize