If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
