apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
