your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
