Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
