You're my little dorito
Me too!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
