there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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