I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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