I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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