UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
