my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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