Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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