you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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