in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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