listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
