I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
