I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize