So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
