I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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