i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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