Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
