So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
