"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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