I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
