At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
do nipples grow back?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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