if i can run in heels then i can drive
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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